I Have Been a Thousand Different Women

Embracing our Past with Love

I was thinking recently about a past version of myself. Not the past version, but one of them—for there are many. Just as there are many versions of you. 

In this instance, the memories that came to my mind were painful — days filled with dread and confusion. As such, I’ve felt shame for many years about this particular version of myself.

In this moment recently, however, when the memories came forth, I felt no judgment, anger, or regret for who that person was and what he did. My heart, instead, offered him only compassion.

I had no desire to scold him or go back in time to convince him to feel or do anything other than what occurred. I simply wanted to hug him, love him, and whisper in his ear that all would be well. It was a holy moment. 

Did I mention this happened while standing in line at a water park? Amazing what’s possible when an iPhone is hidden away in a locker!

The moment was holy because I offered myself love in a place where I previously offered so much judgment. 

And so it was that I was giving thanks for this moment that very evening when I read the following poem by Emory Hall:

make peace

with all the women

you once were.

_____

lay flowers

at their feet.

_____

offer them incense

and honey

and forgiveness.

_____

honor them

and give them

your silence.

_____

listen.

_____

bless them

and let them be.

_____

for they are the bones

of the temple

you sit in now.

_____

for they are

the rivers

of wisdom

leading you

toward the sea.

______

// i have been a thousand different women.

Discovering this poem on the same day I found love for myself where it’s long been difficult to do so can easily be called a coincidence. I prefer a more divine narrative. I believe the poem was God’s way of telling me to continue embracing my “shameful” selves with love.

We have all been so many people in our lifetimes. May today be a day you offer the versions of yourself you’re not proud of a little grace and mercy. And may you stay present to the version of yourself who’s reading these words.

He/She needs your love.

*****

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